It's All Right: The Completely True, Doctrinally Accurate Story of How I Inadvertently Created Donald Trump

Archangel, holding a clipboard: "All right, everyone, for today's brainstorming session Michael has assigned our group the topic of 'Minor Inconveniences of a Fallen World.' He would like them to be as ironic as possible, so let's start throwing out ideas!"

Angel 1: "Not getting enough sleep makes you tired, but sleeping too much also makes you tired!"

Angel 2: "All the tasty foods are unhealthy, and all the healthy foods are especially hard to get children to eat."

Archangel: "Good, good, keep them coming."

Angel 3: "Spiders control the population of all the other gross bugs, but they are the most disgusting and fear-inducing of them all."

Me: "Wait...guys..."

Angel 2: "Avocados and bananas are healthy and delicious, but they stay unripe for two weeks, are ripe for half a day, and promptly become disgusting."

Angel 3: "The more often you clean your hair, the faster your hair gets dirty."

Angel 2: "Actually, let's just make that true for the entire body."

Me: "Guys..."

Angel 1: "How about a disease that makes you need to pee more frequently, but also makes peeing really painful?"

Archangel: "I don't know, that seems like it would fall under the 'Illnesses and Afflictions' group. Is there any way you can tone it down a little?"

Angel 1: "What if it mainly affected women?"

Archangel: "Sounds good to me."

Me: "Wait, how does making it mainly affect women suddenly downgrade it to a 'minor inconvenience'?"

Archangel: "Well...um...uh...look, if you're not going to contribute any of your own ideas, you can't criticize ours. Do you have a better idea?"

Me: "Gee, I don't know...how about 'people thinking they're right when they're clearly wrong'?"

Angel 1: "Hey, great idea, how'd you come up with that?"

Me: "I have no clue..."

Archangel: "All right, let's put it down. Our next topic..."

Me: "Wait, I wasn't serious!"

*no response*

Me: "I have a bad feeling about this."